The Romney Connection

My esteemed colleague Jason Foster raised an interesting question the other day: is Republican Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney of Massachusetts somehow related to legendary Utah State University head coach and football stadium namesake E. L. "Dick" Romney?

On the surface, the notion is intriguing for several reasons. Romney is a relatively uncommon name (just the 23439th- most common, according to this fascinating website. ) Moreover, there are the obvious Mormon connotations that are inevitably associated with Utah and the candidate.

Now, we know that Mitt is the former governor of Massachusetts, and that his father was the governor of Michigan at one time. And if you take a look at this map, you will see that both states are a shade of pale blue, which means they are directly descended from the darker blues of Utah and Idaho, obviously.

Of course, I have not had the chance to delve too deeply into the respective genealogies of the two Romneys. That sort of intensive research seemed a bit daunting for a speculative post of this nature. I did, however, manage to track down some photos of the two gentlemen for comparison:

Ernest Lowell "Dick" Romney (C), former great Utah State football coach, gazing at a hottie in the crowd while estimating her possible shortcomings as a 5th wife, at age 65

Presidential hopeful Willard Milton "Mitt" Romney, gazing at the ceiling while contemplating his favorite bran cereal, at age 60

There is another unexplored thread here: Mitt got his middle name from his father's cousin, who played QB for the Chicago Bears in the 1920s.

Speaking of Mitt's father, here is a picture of him:

Apparently he was buddies with a miniature Ernest Borgnine who used to whisper jokes into his right ear. But seriously...on a scale of who he looks like, his son finishes fourth behind Joe Biden, Pete Carrol, and potential relative Dick.

Footpolitics would like to explore the possibility of this genetic connection more thoroughly before drawing any rash conclusions.

Voting Reform is Needed in the USA Today!

(Coaches' Poll, that is)

It seems a bit ridiculous to think that there are certain governments in this world that have a more logical grasp on how to conduct polling exercises than the NCAA does, but sometimes these things happen.


Take, for example, the USA Today Coaches Poll. It seems that for some reason only half of the F...B...S (did I get that right?) coaches are voting each week for the teams they think belong in the Top 25. This, as in any democracy, is no doubt traceable to two main causes:

• Voter Apathy (those who have voted for so long that they have eventually begun to feel their vote has no meaning)

• Voter Suppression (those in power decide to help themselves by preventing "new" voters from participating in the process)

In perusing the list of coaches who vote in the USA Today polls, I noticed that there were only a handful of the former (most notably Joe Paterno, Ralph Friedgen, Urban Meyer, and Pete Carroll), and most likely a whole lot more of the latter (read: new coaches like Ron Prince, Pat Fitzgerald, Jim Harbaugh, and Randy Shannon, plus a slew of successful coaches at smaller schools) who have had some degree of success.

Of course, there are anomalies in all the major conferences. The Big XII North is particularly absurd: Gary Pinkel of Missouri, Mark Mangino of Kansas, and Ron Prince of Kansas State all have no vote. In fact, the only votes the Big XII North has are Bill Callahan, who, in four seasons, managed to take the division's most storied and successful program into its furthest depths of despair; and Dan Hawkins, who is very slowly rescuing Colorado from the same: despair. Gene Chizik is still trying to locate an Internet Service Provider in Ames, Iowa.

In the SEC, things are not quite as unbalanced. Veteran patient coaches Rich Brooks of Kentucky and Bobby Johnson of Vandy did not get votes, yet neither did Nick Saban get to make his feelings known. A fair tradeoff? Fairer than most, more than likely. Ed Orgeron is banging his head against an underpass right now.

The Big 10 (or is it 11 now?) is not quite as clearly defined. We've got the top few perennial spots (Ohio State, Michigan, Wisconsin...sometimes Illinois) voting, but the most hugely glaring absence from this poll rests on the shoulders of Joe Paterno. C'mon, Joe...why don't you validate this? Also noticeably missing are Pat Fitzgerald of Northwestern (possibly the most relevant up-and-comer in the coaching world) and Kirk Ferentz of Iowa (undoubtedly the most overpaid coach in CFB, now that Dennis Franchione is house shopping/keeping/bound.)

The Pac-10 seems happy to sit on its pedestal; the Arizona schools go unrepresented while the Oregon and Washington schools go fully represented, despite the disparity in schedules and outcomes this year. Dorrell was noticeably absent, although that is now a moot point. Surely Mike Doba knows more about how to succeed in the football world.

The Big East...is pretty consistently represented. The ACC...not so much so. While league legend Ralph Friedgen sits on the sideline, rookie coach Butch Davis gets a vote...yet Randy Shannon does not? Shannon has spent almost his entire coaching career at UM while Davis has no ties to UNC. These kinds of inconsistencies in the voting process beg our attention.

Here is the solution:

All 120 FBS teams get one equal vote. Thats right...120 votes as opposed to 60. Think about it...Western Kentucky played six FBS teams this year (and beat one). They even played Florida at The Swamp their first game in existence and only lost 49-3. Why should their vote count less than, say, San Jose State? We need equal representation, whether the coaches want to do it or not. Either every coach votes or those who don't pay a penalty (if not monetarily, then a fractional drop in rankings.) Wipe the slate clean every August and make all new coaches vote along with the old ones. That means that no longer will the coaches of Eastern Michigan, Western Michigan, Florida International, and Florida Atlantic have more say in the rankings than Penn State, Maryland, Kentucky, Missouri, Kansas, Arizona, Vanderbilt, Florida, Northwestern, Arizona State, Iowa, Miami, USC, Kansas State, and (gasp...) Hawaii! It also means that all those coaches who were too "busy" to sit down and rate a team at the end of each week will now have to make an effort. Come on. If you're making over 500,000 USD+ per year, surely you can devise some system that allows you to watch a few hours of the top CFB highlights each Saturday night and fill out a 25-blank sheet of paper accordingly.

Once we conquer the USA Today, the BCS can't be far behind.

Michael Crabtree for President? (5 on 5)

VS.

This may be one of the greatest internet campaigns ever:

AT&T All-America Player of the Year

Let me hit the highlights:

AT&T announced today the winner of the 2007 AT&T All-America Player of the Year, the only major college football award chosen exclusively by fans. Fans across the nation have made their voices heard and voted Texas Tech wide receiver Michael Crabtree as the best college football player in the nation. Crabtree, the first freshman to win the award in its four-year history, put up astonishing numbers on an offense-rich team that went 5-1 while playing at home in Jones AT&T Stadium.

"AT&T congratulates Michael on having a spectacular freshman season and for winning the AT&T All-America Player of the Year award," said Tim McGhee, director of National Sponsorships for AT&T. "We are proud to be able to deliver the technology that allows the fans' voices to be heard so that they can honor the player whom they choose. Our hats go off to the winner and the other nominees, and our thanks go to everyone who participated."

He received 49 percent of the votes to beat out an impressive field of nominees, including University of Arkansas running back Darren McFadden (31 percent), University of Florida quarterback Tim Tebow (15 percent) and University of Virginia defensive end Chris Long (5 percent).

Fans determined the winner by sending a text message from a wireless phone and casting their votes for the nominees. Polls stayed open until Thursday, Jan. 3. In addition, each vote received an entry into a sweepstakes to win a trip to the 2008 BCS national championship game in New Orleans on Jan. 7, where the official AT&T All-America Player of the Year announcement was made. AT&T customers were able to visit AT&T's wireless NCAA(R) Football Portal on their handsets to view video highlights of each candidate, retrieve photos, check scores, track their favorite teams and download school ringtones.

Hmmm. I'm sure that the AT&T affiliation of the stadium name had nothing to do with the accessibility of player highlights on potential voters' phones, or the voting in any way. I'm sure all serious college football fans would rate a system WR in a gimmick offense (who helped his team to a 4th place finish in a division of 6) above a freakish talent (McFadden) who single-handedly kept his team respectable by nearly single-handedly beating the #1 team in the nation in a tumultuous year that ultimately saw the head coach resign.

Yep, even fan polls in the purest form of sport remaining are subject to corporate politics. And lets not even start on why Tim Tebow is better.

Exit Polls are Mind-bogglingly Ridiculous

7:17 PM:

In an attempt to put my finger on the pulse of New Hampshire's political leanings, I decided to check out CNN's extensive Democratic exit poll. In doing so, I noticed a number of bizarre things:

3% of the state is Jewish, yet none of them had opinions. Presumably they went to the voting booth since they were they were exit-polled (since they were identified as being Jewish), yet none of them supported any of the candidates. Did they organize a massive write-in campaign?

98% of the people who voted for Hillary Clinton honestly believed she would unite the country. Do these people not have access to A.M. radio?

Amazingly, 44% of the people who voted for Clinton have a favorable opinion of the Bush Administration.

Again, 3% of the people polled had no High School education, yet none of them liked any of the candidates. Did they forget who they voted for in the 30 seconds it took to button up their flannel coats and trudge outside?

CNN actually has an "Opinion of Bill Clinton" poll. Who the fuck cares? The dude can't be president anymore. Get over it. Actually, only 43% of the Hillary voters decided to answer "Favorable." Oops.

50% of the Obama voters were first-time primary voters. This is one of those diamond-in-the-rough stats that, if it holds true nationwide, could be a huge boon to his campaign.

Hillary won the "Conservative" vote according to the "Ideology" poll.

22% of those polled claimed "No Religion"...proving that Democrats are indeed heathens and an abomination to God.

Obama won the "Yes" vote and the "No" vote on whether the primaries were being held too early.


And now for the Republicans:

Mitt Romney won the Old Vote (65+), while McCain swept every other age category. I thought The Greatest Generation liked the guy.

McCain won both sides of the ever-relevant Abortion issue.

Republicans who go to church more than once a week prefer Huckabee. Shocking.

Those who are "Enthusiastic" about the Bush Administration prefer Romney. Probably not a good sign for him.

Only 51% of those who voted for Guiliani believed that Guliani would be the "Best Commander-in-Chief." 29% of Guliani voters thought Romney would be better. Wait...what?

Only 2% of New Hampshire Republicans are "Not at All Worried" about the Economy. That's good, I guess.

McCain voters led in both the "Favorable" and "Unfavorable" opinions of Ron Paul. Poor dude.

McCain kicked Romney's ass in the Gun Vote. Fuck yeah.

12% of New Hampshire Republicans make less than $30,000 per year. Sweet Jesus.

Most Romney supporters think that Illegal Immigration is the "Most Important Issue." Are Canadian migrants ruining their maple syrup extraction industry?

McCain wins the Single Vote. You sly dog, you.

There is at least one (1%) African-American Republican in New Hampshire.

The "Who Ran Most Unfair Campaign?" poll tells me that everyone hates Romney but Romney. And he hates McCain.

McCain won the "Married Women" vote. Look out, Desperate Housewives.

College Football Season is Over.

Now that LSU has successfully rescued tens of thousands of couches in the Central Ohio region from certain incineration, the nation (at least in my ideal world) turns its hungry attention to that other bloodier sport known as Presidential Politics.

Tonight, the entire world will tune in to see what a couple hundred thousand disgruntled syrup farmers, bed-and-breakfast owners, and granite merchants* think of our fine distinguished field of candidates. After which, every single candidate will explain to us why:

a) what the people said was correct

b) the system needs change.

Kind of reminds one of coaches talking to the media about the BCS, doesn't it?

*Apologies to the good citizenry of New Hampshire. I've never been there, so my worldview is obviously unfairly distorted. Still upset? Get a dictionary and look up the word "satire."