Exit Polls are Mind-bogglingly Ridiculous

7:17 PM:

In an attempt to put my finger on the pulse of New Hampshire's political leanings, I decided to check out CNN's extensive Democratic exit poll. In doing so, I noticed a number of bizarre things:

3% of the state is Jewish, yet none of them had opinions. Presumably they went to the voting booth since they were they were exit-polled (since they were identified as being Jewish), yet none of them supported any of the candidates. Did they organize a massive write-in campaign?

98% of the people who voted for Hillary Clinton honestly believed she would unite the country. Do these people not have access to A.M. radio?

Amazingly, 44% of the people who voted for Clinton have a favorable opinion of the Bush Administration.

Again, 3% of the people polled had no High School education, yet none of them liked any of the candidates. Did they forget who they voted for in the 30 seconds it took to button up their flannel coats and trudge outside?

CNN actually has an "Opinion of Bill Clinton" poll. Who the fuck cares? The dude can't be president anymore. Get over it. Actually, only 43% of the Hillary voters decided to answer "Favorable." Oops.

50% of the Obama voters were first-time primary voters. This is one of those diamond-in-the-rough stats that, if it holds true nationwide, could be a huge boon to his campaign.

Hillary won the "Conservative" vote according to the "Ideology" poll.

22% of those polled claimed "No Religion"...proving that Democrats are indeed heathens and an abomination to God.

Obama won the "Yes" vote and the "No" vote on whether the primaries were being held too early.


And now for the Republicans:

Mitt Romney won the Old Vote (65+), while McCain swept every other age category. I thought The Greatest Generation liked the guy.

McCain won both sides of the ever-relevant Abortion issue.

Republicans who go to church more than once a week prefer Huckabee. Shocking.

Those who are "Enthusiastic" about the Bush Administration prefer Romney. Probably not a good sign for him.

Only 51% of those who voted for Guiliani believed that Guliani would be the "Best Commander-in-Chief." 29% of Guliani voters thought Romney would be better. Wait...what?

Only 2% of New Hampshire Republicans are "Not at All Worried" about the Economy. That's good, I guess.

McCain voters led in both the "Favorable" and "Unfavorable" opinions of Ron Paul. Poor dude.

McCain kicked Romney's ass in the Gun Vote. Fuck yeah.

12% of New Hampshire Republicans make less than $30,000 per year. Sweet Jesus.

Most Romney supporters think that Illegal Immigration is the "Most Important Issue." Are Canadian migrants ruining their maple syrup extraction industry?

McCain wins the Single Vote. You sly dog, you.

There is at least one (1%) African-American Republican in New Hampshire.

The "Who Ran Most Unfair Campaign?" poll tells me that everyone hates Romney but Romney. And he hates McCain.

McCain won the "Married Women" vote. Look out, Desperate Housewives.