Liveblogging: The Game of the Century

Brent Musberger's got nothing on Footpolitics.

7:21 P.M.

That's right folks, Primary Tuesdays are back. And this one could be for all the marbles. The "Granddaddy of Them All" if you will. What? That one's taken? What about "The Lonestar Showdown"? No? OK, I've got it: how about simply "The Game"...what?!? Shit.



Enough of this nonsensical skullduggery. Musberger calling a key primary night with record turnout in the most interesting Presidential race in a generation would be like asking Ashlee Simpson to accompany the Berlin Orchestra while performing before an exclusive audience made up of Queen Elizabeth, Kofi Annon, Tom Osborne, David Letterman, Angelina Jolie, and Bob Dole: it simply would not do.

7:34 P.M.

As anyone with any dim association with this blog may well know (and there may be as many as 6 of you now), the opportunities for parallels between the epic 2005-2006 OSU/Texas games and this night where Ohio and Texas may well determine who is the next sentient being to lounge in the Oval Office, watching reruns of Snorks while eating Froot Loops from sterling silver bowls, are endless. So I will try not to let us down.



7:41 P.M.

Early returns indicate that Clinton has a strong lead in Ohio, while Obama has for all purposes already won Vermont and has opened a gol-damned impressive lead in Texas. McCain continues to sack away the smaller states, but The Huckster is making the Texas race respectable at least, trailing 56%-32% with 1% reporting.

"Genius (clap clap clap)... Voters (clap clap clap)"

8:02 P.M.

I think I know why Obama is trailing in Ohio:

Obama Girl flaunts the Blue & Maize

Surely a red and dull gray alternative version of the shirt could have been marketed to all the hot chicks in Ohio. Oh wait...

8:21 P.M.

Huck drops out. Alas, unlike Kansas, he could not convince the voters to overlook his inability to win the game that mattered: winning.

Mama and Daddy should still be proud.

Looks like McCain is on the fast track to coronation nomination. And yes, Jason, I've been saving that pic away for a rainy day.

8:40 P.M.

This could be a long night. Just like that September 2005 evening in Columbus, Ohio. Two of the most vaunted entities in the nation vied for supremacy, but combined for less than 50 points between them. They had an aggregate eight field goals, one safety, and just three touchdowns. There was that magical sense that anything could happen. (Including your TE dropping an easy TD.) And that sense pervades tonight also: Clinton has a 20-point lead in Ohio with 20% of precincts reporting, but they dare not call it yet.

CNN: Don't Worry! Ryan Hamby dropped the ball, too.

8:57 P.M.

An esteemed former colleague of mine who works for the State of Texas just pointed out to me that Obama was beating Hillary by a margin of 2:1 in Brazos County, perhaps one of the most entrenched citadels of conservative thought in America (depsite the fact that one of their Congressmen is a D). I may have to investigate this further.

9:21 P.M.

Unfortunately, further investigation was rendered impossible because the Texas SOS page runs roughly at the same speed as a snail traversing backward on a turtle's shell when the turtle is drifting in a sluggish marsh on the hottest summer day. But at least Texas Governor Rick Perry has time to write a fucking book about boy scouts and actively support it while in office as the most pertinent Presidential campaign of his life rages about him. Dude...Rick...Let it go. You're almost sixty years old, you're probably going to miraculously end up being the longest-serving governor in Texas History, and the feathering of your 'do has gone most noticeably awry. Please attempt to retain at least a shred of decency and call in the professional hairdressers, if not political advisers.

9:57 P.M.

Things are getting tight for Obama. CNN has already called Ohio in Clinton's favor, and Obama's lead in Texas has dwindled to 1%. Guess those "3 A.M." commercials by former Mondale guru Roy Spence really worked. Way to spend $30 million of your admirers' hard-earned dollars to strike fear into themselves. And if there's one thing we learned about that campaign, it surely must be that winning the primary is everything. What??? Mondale only carried one state out of fifty??


I guess hiring this guy as your advertising consultant seemed wise on some level unrecognizable to the average American.
P.S.--Minnesota has already leaned Obama. Why did you see fit to hire this guy again?